Racist Racine Cops

Another Milwaukee story came to mind when talking with a group of friends a couple weeks ago...

I can't believe I never shared this one!!

This story took place Summer 09' with my co-worker and friend Jenna. 

See, one of the many job titles I and Jenna had in MKE was to find new business for the company we worked for. So one day, our boss informed us we would be going to Chicago, and literally, go business to bussiness (mainly banks) and inform them of our services, and how we could better their bad spanish POS materials.

This would be a one day trip into the big city. Leaving in the morning, and returning before 6 pm.

We would rent a sweet white Chevy cobalt from the airport, and take it from there.

Everything was going great. Jenna and I were pumped to spend the day together, out of the office, and driving around the big city.

The day went by pretty quick... we did our jobs, and got on the highway to head back to good ol' Milwaukee. As we approached Racine, we noticed there was bumper-to-bumper traffic. There was no way we would make it to Milwaukee before 6pm when the car was due to be returned!

I asked if we should take the streets north, and follow the highway, to try to avoid this mess. She agreed it was a better idea. 

I jumped off the highway, and continued on my merry way.

At one point of this small, desolate, farm town, I did not notice the speed limit was 30 MPH, and I was stopped by an unmarked police car, parked outside a convenience store (like in the movies) looking out to an empty field.

I saw him turn on his lights, and my heart sank. SHIT. I’m getting a speeding ticket. I knew I was going over 30 MPH, I just never saw the sign that said the speed limit had dropped.

I pull over. He comes around to my window and asks me if I knew why I was stopped. I said: " I assume speeding." He says yes, and asks to see my license and registration. 

I hand him my Florida ID, and the rental car contract. 

He walks back to his car - and runs all the information.

He returns to my window with a puzzled look, and looks to Jenna (white girl) and asks to see her ID. She hands it to him.

He asks me if I am Hispanic. I say yes. Then he asks me why my last name is German. I explain the story. Then he asks me where I live. I say Milwaukee. Then he asks me why - I explain for a job (and hand him a business card)

He then proceeds to ask if we have drugs in the car.

<< I am in SHOCK>> 

No. Why would we have drugs? It's a rental! We are on business!

He asks: If I were to open the trunk right now, would I find anything?

I look at him dead in the eye, and say: I hope not! This isn’t my car. And if you find something, it's not ours.

(I say this, because on a trip to California with my mother, we also got pulled over, and I found marijuana in the glove compartment)

He returns to his car. I guess to call the rental agency. And our jobs?

He returns and says:

"Well this is the problem ladies:

Your ID is from FLORIDA

You live in WISCONSIN

The car is registered in CHICAGO

And your tag is registered to a DODGE CARAVAN not a CHEVY COBALT.

So... This all seems VERY SUSPICIOUS. And many Hispanics traffic drugs in rentals from Chicago to MILWAUKEE"

I explain to him i don't work at AVIS and I'm not sure how this is all my problem?

<< I’m so nervous, I'm laughing>>

Jenna I think is in shock

And start planning my first and only phone call in jail.

He smiles and agrees to let us go ticket free. I don't know why he didn't give me a ticket - i WAS speeding. 

After I thanked him, I asked what the fastest way to get to the airport was. No lie. 

Jenna laughed.

He smiled.

We got back on the highway.

And I ripped AVIS a new one.

Mamma Mia!

Moms. They are special. But mine takes the cake. I'm sure of this.

See.. My mom and I have this odd relationship... the kind that's not really mother daughter... more like friends.

We plan outings, usually around drinks. Okay, not usually, ALWAYS around drinks.
She loves to go out ... and she never misses a good party.

That's why, when my best friend called her to invite her to his going away party this last weekend, I knew she would not miss it for the world.

The night started off like any other, David and I got ready, and we swung by her place to pick her up. Luckily, she's only a few buildings away, so carpooling is never an issue.

We got together around 8 pm, and headed out.

Upon arrival, we were greeted by LARGE solo cups of Whiskey on the rocks (for her), Beer (for David) and Vodka on the rocks for me.

Things would go downhill  - fast. It was only 8:45 pm.

By the 3rd LARGE RED SOLO CUP. We were already getting louder than usual, and making unnecessary comments. The inappropriate ones people make when under the influence.

At around 10 pm... my mother locks eyes with a friend and ex childhood (15 years ago) boyfriend (of 2 months) who was at the party to wish his childhood friend - David - goodbye.

He and I hadn't seen each other in OVER 5 years. He's now married, to a wonderful girl and together, they have a beautiful little 2 year old girl. As we are all catching up, sharing stories from the past, enjoying the evening, laughing... my mother decides to contribute to the story by also sharing a story -- and asks in her loudest voice (still in front of his wife and other friends, including my current fiancee)

"REMEMBER WHEN YOU CAME OVER THE APARTMENT, AND YOU AND STEPHANIE WENT DOWNSTAIRS, AND I COULDN'T FIND YOU, SO I HAD TO USE A FLASHLIGHT TO CHECK ALL THE PARKS, AND FINALLY FOUND BOTH OF YOU HIDING IN A SLIDE AT THE PARK?"

He turns pale.

I am mortified.

1. who says a story like that.
2. how is this appropriate?
3. WHAT THE FUCK
4. No one remembers what she's talking about.

He looks at her dead in the eye, and says: "I'm sorry I have no clue Patty."

I look at him and her, and say: Mom, I don't know what you are talking about, and IMMEDIATELY change the subject to Gainesville and our group adventures.

This party has made me realize that the older people get, the less filter they have. Especially when drinking.

This isn't the first, or last time she will embarrass me. She did something similar on my birthday where she called one person fat and told another couple their "future" the whole night.

ayyyy, la patty. 

give me patience dear lord.

Also - HEADS UP to any ex that runs into my mom, be prepared to be embarrassed by some inappropriate story. It's part of the deal.

My bad.