Mamma Mia!

Moms. They are special. But mine takes the cake. I'm sure of this.

See.. My mom and I have this odd relationship... the kind that's not really mother daughter... more like friends.

We plan outings, usually around drinks. Okay, not usually, ALWAYS around drinks.
She loves to go out ... and she never misses a good party.

That's why, when my best friend called her to invite her to his going away party this last weekend, I knew she would not miss it for the world.

The night started off like any other, David and I got ready, and we swung by her place to pick her up. Luckily, she's only a few buildings away, so carpooling is never an issue.

We got together around 8 pm, and headed out.

Upon arrival, we were greeted by LARGE solo cups of Whiskey on the rocks (for her), Beer (for David) and Vodka on the rocks for me.

Things would go downhill  - fast. It was only 8:45 pm.

By the 3rd LARGE RED SOLO CUP. We were already getting louder than usual, and making unnecessary comments. The inappropriate ones people make when under the influence.

At around 10 pm... my mother locks eyes with a friend and ex childhood (15 years ago) boyfriend (of 2 months) who was at the party to wish his childhood friend - David - goodbye.

He and I hadn't seen each other in OVER 5 years. He's now married, to a wonderful girl and together, they have a beautiful little 2 year old girl. As we are all catching up, sharing stories from the past, enjoying the evening, laughing... my mother decides to contribute to the story by also sharing a story -- and asks in her loudest voice (still in front of his wife and other friends, including my current fiancee)

"REMEMBER WHEN YOU CAME OVER THE APARTMENT, AND YOU AND STEPHANIE WENT DOWNSTAIRS, AND I COULDN'T FIND YOU, SO I HAD TO USE A FLASHLIGHT TO CHECK ALL THE PARKS, AND FINALLY FOUND BOTH OF YOU HIDING IN A SLIDE AT THE PARK?"

He turns pale.

I am mortified.

1. who says a story like that.
2. how is this appropriate?
3. WHAT THE FUCK
4. No one remembers what she's talking about.

He looks at her dead in the eye, and says: "I'm sorry I have no clue Patty."

I look at him and her, and say: Mom, I don't know what you are talking about, and IMMEDIATELY change the subject to Gainesville and our group adventures.

This party has made me realize that the older people get, the less filter they have. Especially when drinking.

This isn't the first, or last time she will embarrass me. She did something similar on my birthday where she called one person fat and told another couple their "future" the whole night.

ayyyy, la patty. 

give me patience dear lord.

Also - HEADS UP to any ex that runs into my mom, be prepared to be embarrassed by some inappropriate story. It's part of the deal.

My bad.