BALOONING IN NAPA, if the winds ae too strong, LISTEN to the TOUR GUIDE.

Alllll I ever wanted for my birthday was a hot air balloon ride....

I went to Napa, I woke up early, I showed up on time... only to be told after 20 minutes of filling out paperwork and sipping on stale coffee that the balloon rides would be cancelled for the day.

The look of disappointment that filled the room was one for the books.

Couples on their honeymoon were near tears, people were complaining, families asked WHYYY!! But WHYY!

Heck, I even asked why. I had come all the way from Miami to see my best friend, drove all the way to Napa, for THIS. I came for this!! And my dreams were being shattered.

After hearing a 30 min explanation about our safety and why it was just not happening, we put on our big people pants, and walked out in stride --- with the promise of bakery goods to fill our empty fat stomachs.

When we were done with breakfast and heading back to our rented home, we see FUCKING BALLOONS ready to TAKE OFF! WHAT COMPANY RUNS THIS?? Why can they go up and we can't!?!

This can't be! our eyes are playing tricks on us. These assholes are going out!!! And we were told we couldn't. We were livid. 

We drove up to the place, and started taking pictures in hopes we could fool or families and friends, and tell them we too went on a ride --- 

Look ma' BALLOONS!

.... well.... that excitement didn't last too long. We started following the balloons in hopes we could take more pics and just see the route these balloons usually take.

3 minutes into flight, this very same balloon I was pointing at hit a power line.

yes, a power line.

and caught on fire.

yes, again. ON FIRE.

Ana calls 911. Freaking out. At this moment I realize I don't react well when emergencies happen. I didn't even move. I just kept snapping pics! like a crazy paparazzi!!! Who am I???

Anyway, we followed the falling balloon meanwhile guiding emergency vehicles to the falling balloon - PACKED with PEOPLE on board! 

The balloon starts falling at a faster speed, eventually hitting the ground. This is just nuts!! We were so nervous for these poor people! I can't imagine how scary this must have been!

Moral of the story: Always listen to your tour guide. If conditions are NOT good, don't be disappointed... it's for a reason. 

Here is the link to the full story - Glad everyone is ok!

News Story

Racist Racine Cops

Another Milwaukee story came to mind when talking with a group of friends a couple weeks ago...

I can't believe I never shared this one!!

This story took place Summer 09' with my co-worker and friend Jenna. 

See, one of the many job titles I and Jenna had in MKE was to find new business for the company we worked for. So one day, our boss informed us we would be going to Chicago, and literally, go business to bussiness (mainly banks) and inform them of our services, and how we could better their bad spanish POS materials.

This would be a one day trip into the big city. Leaving in the morning, and returning before 6 pm.

We would rent a sweet white Chevy cobalt from the airport, and take it from there.

Everything was going great. Jenna and I were pumped to spend the day together, out of the office, and driving around the big city.

The day went by pretty quick... we did our jobs, and got on the highway to head back to good ol' Milwaukee. As we approached Racine, we noticed there was bumper-to-bumper traffic. There was no way we would make it to Milwaukee before 6pm when the car was due to be returned!

I asked if we should take the streets north, and follow the highway, to try to avoid this mess. She agreed it was a better idea. 

I jumped off the highway, and continued on my merry way.

At one point of this small, desolate, farm town, I did not notice the speed limit was 30 MPH, and I was stopped by an unmarked police car, parked outside a convenience store (like in the movies) looking out to an empty field.

I saw him turn on his lights, and my heart sank. SHIT. I’m getting a speeding ticket. I knew I was going over 30 MPH, I just never saw the sign that said the speed limit had dropped.

I pull over. He comes around to my window and asks me if I knew why I was stopped. I said: " I assume speeding." He says yes, and asks to see my license and registration. 

I hand him my Florida ID, and the rental car contract. 

He walks back to his car - and runs all the information.

He returns to my window with a puzzled look, and looks to Jenna (white girl) and asks to see her ID. She hands it to him.

He asks me if I am Hispanic. I say yes. Then he asks me why my last name is German. I explain the story. Then he asks me where I live. I say Milwaukee. Then he asks me why - I explain for a job (and hand him a business card)

He then proceeds to ask if we have drugs in the car.

<< I am in SHOCK>> 

No. Why would we have drugs? It's a rental! We are on business!

He asks: If I were to open the trunk right now, would I find anything?

I look at him dead in the eye, and say: I hope not! This isn’t my car. And if you find something, it's not ours.

(I say this, because on a trip to California with my mother, we also got pulled over, and I found marijuana in the glove compartment)

He returns to his car. I guess to call the rental agency. And our jobs?

He returns and says:

"Well this is the problem ladies:

Your ID is from FLORIDA

You live in WISCONSIN

The car is registered in CHICAGO

And your tag is registered to a DODGE CARAVAN not a CHEVY COBALT.

So... This all seems VERY SUSPICIOUS. And many Hispanics traffic drugs in rentals from Chicago to MILWAUKEE"

I explain to him i don't work at AVIS and I'm not sure how this is all my problem?

<< I’m so nervous, I'm laughing>>

Jenna I think is in shock

And start planning my first and only phone call in jail.

He smiles and agrees to let us go ticket free. I don't know why he didn't give me a ticket - i WAS speeding. 

After I thanked him, I asked what the fastest way to get to the airport was. No lie. 

Jenna laughed.

He smiled.

We got back on the highway.

And I ripped AVIS a new one.

Mamma Mia!

Moms. They are special. But mine takes the cake. I'm sure of this.

See.. My mom and I have this odd relationship... the kind that's not really mother daughter... more like friends.

We plan outings, usually around drinks. Okay, not usually, ALWAYS around drinks.
She loves to go out ... and she never misses a good party.

That's why, when my best friend called her to invite her to his going away party this last weekend, I knew she would not miss it for the world.

The night started off like any other, David and I got ready, and we swung by her place to pick her up. Luckily, she's only a few buildings away, so carpooling is never an issue.

We got together around 8 pm, and headed out.

Upon arrival, we were greeted by LARGE solo cups of Whiskey on the rocks (for her), Beer (for David) and Vodka on the rocks for me.

Things would go downhill  - fast. It was only 8:45 pm.

By the 3rd LARGE RED SOLO CUP. We were already getting louder than usual, and making unnecessary comments. The inappropriate ones people make when under the influence.

At around 10 pm... my mother locks eyes with a friend and ex childhood (15 years ago) boyfriend (of 2 months) who was at the party to wish his childhood friend - David - goodbye.

He and I hadn't seen each other in OVER 5 years. He's now married, to a wonderful girl and together, they have a beautiful little 2 year old girl. As we are all catching up, sharing stories from the past, enjoying the evening, laughing... my mother decides to contribute to the story by also sharing a story -- and asks in her loudest voice (still in front of his wife and other friends, including my current fiancee)

"REMEMBER WHEN YOU CAME OVER THE APARTMENT, AND YOU AND STEPHANIE WENT DOWNSTAIRS, AND I COULDN'T FIND YOU, SO I HAD TO USE A FLASHLIGHT TO CHECK ALL THE PARKS, AND FINALLY FOUND BOTH OF YOU HIDING IN A SLIDE AT THE PARK?"

He turns pale.

I am mortified.

1. who says a story like that.
2. how is this appropriate?
3. WHAT THE FUCK
4. No one remembers what she's talking about.

He looks at her dead in the eye, and says: "I'm sorry I have no clue Patty."

I look at him and her, and say: Mom, I don't know what you are talking about, and IMMEDIATELY change the subject to Gainesville and our group adventures.

This party has made me realize that the older people get, the less filter they have. Especially when drinking.

This isn't the first, or last time she will embarrass me. She did something similar on my birthday where she called one person fat and told another couple their "future" the whole night.

ayyyy, la patty. 

give me patience dear lord.

Also - HEADS UP to any ex that runs into my mom, be prepared to be embarrassed by some inappropriate story. It's part of the deal.

My bad.

OPA! I was robbed.

Miami Beach -
Sunny place. Shady people.

They say that about Florida in general, but I feel that saying is more appropriate on the beach.

If you grow up in South Florida, you know that there are multiple FREE events, openings and promotions you can attend - pretty much ANY DAY and EVERY day of the week, reducing your spending to about -$0- which is GREAT especially if you are a college student.

Well, That was my life in 2003. I was an event hopper. I was invited to any and all events, mostly because of lists I would put my name on. I would spend months hopping from event to event, Monday- Saturday.. not spending a dime. It was pretty great. Not gonna lie. I wish I still had the energy to do that.

Anyway, this story takes place on the night that OPA Taverna was set to open up in Miami Beach. For those who don't know what that is - It's a Greek restaurant where people throw plates and dance on tables when you eat.
It's great place for a first date. Loud and Obnoxious.

I went with 3 friends - Denise, Ana and Mandy - We all hopped in my little beetle, and drove off to the event that was hosted by Ocean Drive Mag and promised to have free entrance and free drinks.

I parked the car on 100 and Collins, got out, locked the car and began walking down the street towards the restaurant. At that exact moment, my cell phone rang. I open my clutch, take out the phone, and place the clutch, OPEN, under my arm again - At this point the group was walking in front of me, because I'm slow, and was multi-tasking.

I had noticed a young man behind me when I got out of the car, but didn't think anything of him.

As i place the purse under my arm, I hear running behind me and feel the guy PULL the purse out from under me!

I COULDN'T believe it! I immediately started running after him, in HEELS! YELLING to drop the purse and that i was going to kill him! There was no money in the purse! All there was - was an ID and my debit card. My friends started yelling at that point to stop running, that he might have a gun and they started running too! We caused such a commotion!

I was never able to catch up to him (smoking is bad - don't do it)

He jumped into a ford focus hatch back, and drove off.

I was in tears. Mostly because I was FURIOUS! I was left with my cell phone in hand my friend had picked up my CAR KEYS which had flown out of my purse that was still open when he stole it.

I immediately called to cancel my debit card. So they were unable to use it.

Luckily, people sitting at the restaurant outside of 100 and Collins saw all this, and WROTE down the license plate number of car.

Police were called, and we were asked to drive to the police station for questioning and to look through 23456789 mug shots.

We must have spent what felt like 4 hours there.

No drinks. No party. No nothing.

I was so upset by the time I left the police station, I took my police report in hand, got in my car with my friends, and went to Purdy lounge. My Police report was the only thing i had on me - and it was my only tool for free drinks from the bar tender.

Yes, I was just robbed. Yes, I still went out.

The rest of the case went pretty smoothly. The kids were caught, they each (3) paid me $310.00. And I was able to by a new LV clutch.

The kid that robbed me was in the US illegally and unfortunately had himself and his family deported because of his actions.

<<lesson learned>>

5 years ago I was in a short film

This is true.

I was in a 10 minute short film.

I want to do this again at some point in my life. I really enjoyed it.
Can't believe it's been 5 YEARS!!!
sheesh...

See it here!
My oscar winning role

Dreams really do come true in Disney World

For many years now, I have been going to Disney World in Florida with Family and Friends. Usually for food and Wine fest, or a random birthday celebration.  As a kid, I always loved going to Disney, and was mesmerized by all the characters and how real they all looked. As an Adult, i became mesmerized with how many drinks i could drink at the World showcase without falling over, or puking before I got to England. Clearly, priority's shift as an adult.


Two weeks ago, I took a week long trip to Disney to celebrate my 30th birthday. As part of my party, I brought my best friend, my mom, my friend from Atl and BF along for the adventure.

I am surprised to say, the trip went pretty smoothly, until New Years Eve.

Before leaving Miami, we planned to spend the New Year at Epcot. In the morning my friend said to me, I'm going to kiss a Disney princess today, if it's the last thing i do. David and I smiled and laughed.. and didn't think much of it. Disney is super strict, and that WOULD NEVER HAPPEN.

When we arrived to Epcot the day on New Years, and when we got there we realized we all had annual passes except one person, so we were not allowed in at 8 pm.. so we switched our plan, and went to Boardwalk Disney, to the Atlantic Dance Club instead.


For the low price of $35.00 a person, we entered a dance club that was guaranteed to be open past 2 am, and showed large videos on the dance floor Drinks were moderately inexpensive.. and the chugging of what i consider devil juice (vodka mixed with Monster energy drink) began. Shots were taken in between these deviled drinks.

By around 11 pm, I was dancing the night away, knocking into people, spilling drinks, hugging randoms and making possible future friends. I was out of control.

The seal had been broken since about 9:30pm, so my trips to the bathroom at this point had become VERY frequent.

On one of my trips, I come out and see a BEAUTIFUL, little, blond, perfectly presented princess. YES PRINCESS. She had flawless skin, and had make-up that you would only see in Disney World. She was dressed in her new years attire, was very quiet, and didn't look anyone in the eye, as she quietly washed her hands.

I had to talk to her.

"Hello" i said, as i approached her at the sink.

now. Picture Snow whites voice in the movie. This is EXACTLY what she sounds like "Hello" she replies.

OMG. she works at Disney. I know she does. Shes a CAST MEMBER. i must be her FRIEND. The devil juice is telling me i MUST be her friend!

"Here, let me get the door for you" I say, as i rush to the door to hold it open.

<<Disney voice>> "Thank you"

I follow her out of the bathroom, all the way to the dance floor where she is greeted by 3 REALLY BIG GIRLS (young, just REALLY strange... looked like the 3 evil step sisters, no lie), they def were NOT Disney cast members.  Anyway, i introduce myself to them. YES, i introduce myself to her friends.

I straight out ask: "Excuse me,  Does she work at Disney? Her make up is FLAWLESS!"

They laugh, and say - "yes, she is snow white"

" NO WAY!" I respond.

I look to the dance floor, and i see a tall man, with hair slicked back, talking to her, telling her he must leave. Snow white looks sad.

"Who's that?" i ask the 3 ugly girls.

"That's her Boyfriend, he's also a cast member, he's Cinderella's prince, they just started dating, but he's a real ass to her, he came to say hi, but he's leaving the party."

I'm floored! this is REAL LIFE DISNEY playing itself out like a MOVIE in front of MY EYES!

I have to find David and my friend Rodrigo. They will never believe this.

I run to them and start telling them what I'm witnessing.

I bring them to the dance floor so they can see it for themselves.

I start trying to get Snow White to drink, she refuses. She doesn't drink. I don't understand!!! Shes not on the job! She's not even in costume! Why doesn't she drink????

She just doesn't drink. BLAH.

I go for the friends. They do drink. I get in good with them.

the rest of the night is a COMPLETE BLURR.

All I do know is that, when midnight struck, my friend went up to her, grabbed her, and planted a kiss on her. His wish came true.

(i found this out the next day)


i love Disney world. Dreams do come true for everyone.

How to win an entire Bahamian town over with red bull vodka

Ahh, the Bahamas. What is there not to love? The ocean, the conch salad, the sun.... just to name a few.
And you know what makes the Bahamas even better? When it's free!

D and I love to go on FREE trips. Yes, Free. How do you go on a free trip you ask? SIMPLE! Sign up for multi million dollar home tours!

Not time shares.

Actual multi million dollar property tours all around the world!  Happens to be, they will fly you there in a private JET!!

(we have done this 2 times, this is time #1)

Let's go back to how it all happened:
David calls me and invites me to go to the Yacht show in Miami Beach. Sure! Sounds like fun, I can pretend to be a multi millionaire and be yacht searching.We go to the yacht show, we drink wine, eat caviar, munch on fine cheeses, and top it all off with some Bacardi. As we are walking around, we see a BEAUTIFUL yacht for sale, we walk in and take a tour. Inside the yacht, there is a sales person, getting people to sign up to go see multi million dollar homes in the Bahamas-- but you must meet a criteria:

- household income must be over: $75,000 (D and I combined.. CHECK)
- Must be married (we lied and said we were engaged)
- Must have lived together for over 3 years (we lied again)
- Must pay $100 in port taxes (CHECK)

 They harass D for a good week, asking him what days we are available to fly (this is a 3 day trip, all paid for by them). We give them 4 weekend dates -- They agree to fly us on one of the dates, and we are all set!

Thank you unknown company, we are off to the Bahamas!

We leave on a Friday morning out of West Palm Beach, David gives me a fake diamond to wear on my left hand (remember we are engaged)

on the jet. see you soon Bahamas!

We arrive on a small Island, where immigration is in a hut. It is BEAUTIFUL. When we get to the property we are greeted by lovely staff and set up in a beautiful villa, with views to the garden and the pool.

 us.

villa.

huge room, with kitchen and ample living space.

As soon as we drop off our bags, we are told to go on the property tour (the one they are trying to sell David)

We agree, it's early, we might as well get it out of the way. We arrive to the site of the soon to be multi million dollar home.

This is it. all gravel. and a man made lake. WTF? We look interested, ask many questions, walk around, and tell Chris (the guy showing us the non property) that we will "think about it" but that we have a property in Panama that we really like, and is already built and is bigger than the one they are building here-- this is all a lie. We are poor. We have no property anywhere.

:/

The tour is over, and we don't have to lie anymore. We spend the rest of our trip buying champagne bottles and tanning at the beach. Except one night, where we had the GREAT idea to go into town and go to a locals bar.

We get there and realize... we are not locals. CLEARLY. As soon as we walk in, people start asking us MANY questions, especially where we are staying, since we have traveled over 30 min in a taxi to get to this small, unknown bar.

I look beyond the counter and notice a red bull fridge and ask if they have vodka. They say yes, they have never heard of this drink!

I pull out $80.00, and BUY THE ENTIRE BAR drinks.

We are now every one's best friend!

The music gets louder, the drinks get poured, the dancing starts! We spend the rest of our night at this bar, making friends, and buying all the Bahamians red bull vodka. About $150 dollars later, we are the town hero's.

The next morning I could not believe what i had done. But, I will say, it was the best time EVER.

The next day, we made more friends at the beach, and invited them all to drinks (some were under age, but who cares? it's the Bahamas!)

Like all good things, this trip too had to come to an end.

But, I suggest, if you ever get offered the chance to go see multi million dollar homes for free - take it!