"HELP! She's been SHOT!"

You know, I never thought anyone would be screaming those words while pointing at me. 


I try to not get myself into situations where I would be placed in harms way... but sometimes, harm finds me.


A couple years back, I was diagnosed with Lupus Anticoagulant (this will be a blog entry in itself) -- All that means in a nutshell is that I am prone to getting blood clots, and I have to be careful to: not smoke, not take birth control, not get pregnant. etc...


Anyway, back to story - I was taking blood clot medication (blood thinners) and I was invited to attend my really good friends Bachlorette party.  My doctor had told me I could not drink while taking this medication, but how could I attend a bachlorette party- and not drink? 


I promised myself I would moderate the drinking, and stick to 5 drinks instead of 15. 
This is a MAJOR adjustment if you know me.


The night started off awesome, all the girls met at my house, where we treated the bachlorette to penis cakes and vodka cranberry (awesome mix)


We took pics, we got dressed, and drank as we got ready to go to our pole dance class....


There, we continued to drink Vodka cranberry in the class -- it was a disaster. There was nothing sexy to us.


We take the car back to my place, change out of our workout clothes and stilettos - and jump into a limo that's taking us STRAIGHT to the strip club. 


Wooohoo... Male strippers. : / 


I walk into this place, and run into a friend from high school working the bar. <<jackpot>>
 free drinks.


A couple hours pass, the vodka red bull is now kicking in.


We leave the strip club and get back into the limo. We are about 12 girls, now all struggling to change into club clothes, inside the limo, all while drinking, and applying makeup -- to go to the Beach for our reserved table with champagne and more vodka.


Exciting! We get to the beach, they let us all in.. things are going great! BEST BACHLORETTE PARTY EVER.


Champagne arrives. We toast! To the bride! TO THE BRIDE!!!!


<<dance, dance, dance,>> the club music is pumping through the speakers at the forge. The place is PACKED. 


I look over to my left, I see a couch! THANK BABY JESUS! I see a couch, my feet are KILLING ME!


I make my way over to the couch, and see one of the girls in our party dancing on the table in front of me. I PLOP on the couch, full force, so excited to sit down and give my feet a rest.


OH. MY. GOD.


I get a stabbing sensation on my left butt cheek. Blood is streaming down my legs, onto my shoes.


I freak out.


I stand up. The floor is covered in blood.
It s a river.


I look around. I see a champagne glass.
The fucking girl dancing on the table had thrown her fucking champagne glass onto the couch, which I had now sat on. PUNCTURING MY ASS.


I'm on blood thinners.


I freak out more.


A nurse in the group, runs over to me, and presses her hand against my ass to stop the bleeding. She yells it needs pressure. I explain to her It hurts, she's pressing the glass deeper into my butt!


I run outside. It's a frenzy, I'm leaving a blood trail behind me.


People start yelling " She's been shot! She's been Shot! Call 911"


I run outside, my dress is lifted into my hands, My ass is exposed to all the beach goers trying to get into the Forge. I don't care. i need to stop the bleeding. i need to get to a hospital. i need an ambulance.


People are calling 911 from their cellphones. I hear the doorman telling the operator, he thinks I've been shot. I correct him. I tell him it's glass.


He looks confused. Too much blood for glass!


i'm on blood thinners. I think i'm going to die of loss of blood.


The ambulance arrives. I get transported to MT. Sinai. Melissa joins me in the ambulance (she's so sweet for leaving the party - i still thank her t'ill this day)


I get taken in immediately. I explain the story.
The nurses have to remove EACH individual piece of glass , by hand, out of my butt.


I get stitches.


If you ask Mel, I was bleeding so much, it did look like a gun shot wound. I had gone through about 5 hospital sheets, and i was laying in my own pool of blood. It was a gruesome scene.


If you ever want to see my scar on my ass, that I got with glass at GLASS at the Forge, just ask. It's a great conversation starter.


UGH.