Never- ever trust a fart.

I love the keys. What's not to love? The sun, food, drinks, boats, fishing, friends, endless water sports... you name it, it's a great spot to spend the weekends.

Growing up, I was lucky enough to enjoy these great moments with my then BF and his family. For about 5-6 years, we would spend our summers in Key Largo doing all of the above.

This beautiful, hot Summer day was no different. He and I woke up early and took the boat out with his then, 11 year old sister for a day on the ocean to do some snorkeling and wake boarding.

He was a big water sports guy. He loooved (and maybe still does) to wake board. He had all the gear, and was determined to teach me and his sister how to wake board.

I was all about it. It looked like so much fun! He had all the gear, and he was a good teacher, so this would be be easy!

The afternoon went by, and the more I tried, the better I got. I still wasn't able to get up on the board, but I wasn't going to give up until I did.

Long story short.... I finally got up after 4 hours of trying (if it wasn't 4 hours, it sure as hell felt like it) I was a prune at this point.

I get up! I'm riding the wave! I'm ecstatic! WOOHOO! I'm freaking WAKE BOARDING!

I fall.

I fall so hard, the boots go one way. the board goes another, and i'm floating in pain.

He turns the boat around to come get me.

I'm done for the day.

No more. I'm dizzy.

I must recover.


We head back to land, wash down the boat, the gear and ourselves.

His parents and grandparents inform us dinner will be ready in an hour. Finally yummy Cuban food! His family cooked really well. And after a long day of being out in the water, and getting my ass kicked by a wake board, nothing seemed more pleasing than a nice warm meal.


We sit at the dinner table.

Me, Him, his sister, his grandmother, grandfather, mom and father.

Everything is going fine... until I decide to pass gas at the table.

yes, im that girl. I passed a little gas! Why not! It was sure to be silent, and i hadn't eaten anything, so i'm sure it would not smell.

.....

I pass gas.

I soak my pants.

About 1/2 a gallon of water is streaming down my pajama pants, and onto the floor.

I get up and RUN to the bathroom, I'm embarrassed and wet, more like soaked.

All the SALT water from the ocean that I had taken in my BUTT from my fall, was now lying under the dining room table.

I wanted to die.

I hope his family has forgotten about this dreadful incident.


Don't worry, I haven't wakeboarded since.